My mother-in-law said in an e-mail to me this morning, “You’re one courageous lady!” That’s sweet, and I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m no hero. It’s easy to keep your sense of humor when you feel perfectly fine, as I do.
I think every day about people with other cancers who have had to go through radiation and chemotherapy and how sick those treatments can make you (do make you—I don’t think it’s a matter of “if”; I think it’s a matter of how sick they make you), and I think every day about the parents whose children are fighting battles with leukemia and other awful diseases (and sometimes losing those battles), and I thank God every day for giving me this cancer, for giving it to me instead of my children, for entrusting me with this challenge. I believe that when God gave me this challenge, He was telling me that He believes in me. He has armed me with the gift of faith (which is available to me whether I choose to accept and embrace it or not), surrounded me with loving, supportive family and equally loving and supportive friends, but most importantly, He has shown me that the nearer I draw to Him, the nearer He draws to me. It’s a win-win in so many ways.
On the thyroid cancer support group listserv on which I frequently read and post, there has been much discussion (and a good bit of outrage) about the unfortunate phrase “the good cancer,” which is so often applied to thyroid cancer by (usually) well-meaning surgeons, endocrinologists and ENTs when delivering the diagnosis to their patients. (As you may recall, my ENT, before there even was a diagnosis in my case, said that if God called him up [he held up a fake phone] and told him He was going to give his mother cancer, and God gave the ENT the chance to choose which one God gave her, he would pick thyroid cancer. I’ve gone back and forth between feeling reassured by this to being mad he said it back around to being reassured by it. I have ended on being reassured, because after my year and a half with this disease, I would pick thyroid cancer over any other cancer if God forced me to choose which one He would give my mother. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh to some, but luckily, our merciful God would never put us in that position. He makes the choices for us on those matters. Why? Because we are ill-equipped to make those choices ourselves.)
There is no such thing as a good cancer.
But I have decided that there may be such a thing as a good cancer treatment. I can’t ignore the fact that the treatment for the type of thyroid cancer I have, with its radioactive magic bullet that knows just where to go once you’ve swallowed the capsule—knows exactly which cells to seek out and destroy once it’s ingested and, in fact, isn’t interested in any other cells—is pretty easy compared to what I’ve heard about people’s miserable experiences with radiation, chemotherapy and other treatments for other diseases that I’m not even addressing here out of my own ignorance, lack of understanding, and lack of life experience.
So I thank God for giving me thyroid cancer, and I praise His name because He is good, He is Holy, He is worthy, He is Wonderful Counselor, King of Kings, Prince of Peace, and He loves me. Little old me!
Thinking of adversity as a gift is not an original thought on my part. I was tangibly introduced to the idea in the book of Philippians, which I read and studied in a women’s bible study at Calvary Chapel, Costa Mesa, in 2003 and 2004, shortly after renewing my faith in God and becoming a practicing Christian. Philippians is also known as the epistle of joy. Jesus’ disciple Peter wrote the praise-filled, grateful letter to the residents of Philippi while he was in prison. When I read Philippians for the first time (it’s short), I was impressed by Paul because he had this awesome knack for seeing (and choosing to focus on) the opportunity his setbacks provided for sharing the gospel. The source of his joy was in being able to serve God during trials, and because of these trials. What a fresh approach to hardship!
This appealed to me because my default personality, or my nature when I’m at my worst, has been to focus on the negative and whine and complain through adversity, or, when I’m at my very best, to endure hardship with some stoicism. In Philippians, Paul does something so revolutionary, so courageous, and so opposite of what I’ve always thought is human nature (or at least my supremely flawed human nature), that I was fascinated and wanted to learn more. It seemed downright weird that Paul would be in prison praising God, who, if He allows all things, presumably was ultimately responsible for landing him there to begin with.
I know I quoted Philippians 1:29 before, but I think it bears repeating. I have lived most of my life being angry or hurt about the things I have suffered, but from this day forward, I want to look at challenges the way Paul did. Also, and profoundly more important to me, I want my kids to see the trials God gives them as opportunities and assurances that God knows they can handle them.
“For to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for his sake, having the same conflict which you saw in me and now hear is in me.”
Philippians 1:29-30, New King James version
“But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.”
--Philippians 3:7-11, New King James version
idea of trials being an opportunity to get closer to god, show his love to others, grow yur testimony share the word—
My Dream
If I had a bucket list, writing a book would be on it. It was my dream when I dared to dream, which was not often. I never thought it would become a reality. I’ve always wanted to write a book, BUT…
1. I have never known what to write about.
2. I’m better at writing things in the first person rather than unbiased, objective third person, and with a few notable exceptions (Catcher in the Rye being one), first-person literature doesn’t bowl them over.
3. I’ve always been stuck inside my own head with my own thoughts, loving to release them on paper but not feeling like I had anything of value to say that anyone would get any benefit from.
never been much of an evangelist, and He wants us to share his word.
Quote a verse saying “Go out and share mt word with the nations”
Even me, God? Yes, even you. Even though I’m uncomfortable doing it? Yes, because you’re uncomfortable doing it.
Sunday inchurch reading about Bible verse Gifts use them use what God gave you we all have something that is uniquelyt our own and we need to use it
So when this whole thyroid cancer thing hit me, it occurred to me that maybe God wanted me to write about Him and my cancer. If this is the case, and I’ve gotten it right, my thyroid cancer is His ultimate gift to me—a subject matter for me to explore and embrace in a format and voice I can write in, a realization of a lifelong dream, and an attempt at spreading His Word. Win-win-win-win.
I have learned a lot.
What I want you to know: Know that God is good. Know that God loves you and doesn’t want you to suffer anymore. Know that He can release you from your shackles, personality defects, old hurts, anger, bitterness, past, weaknesses, demons, dependence on the world for gratification, worship of money, power, or so-called prestige.
Know that he loves endlessly, listens faithfully and lives eternally.
Amen.
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