An Odd Shopping List

A list of things I asked Pommy to bring home for me today:
• angel hair pasta
• Diet 7-Up
• bagels
• English muffins
• crowbar for getting out of prison
• carton of cigarettes to trade for shank while I'm in here
• weightlifting gloves and bigger wife beater T-shirts. I'm really bulking up.
• a cake with a file baked inside

I felt very nauseous and extremely tired yesterday and a little less nauseous this morning and a little less tired after a 2-hour nap this afternoon. On Monday and Tuesday I felt so fantastic, it was hard to imagine that I would go from feeling so good to so bad so quickly. But I guess being off my Synthroid for so long (25 days) finally caught up with me, and as for the nausea, I had to remind myself that I felt exactly the same way last time I had this treatment. I re-started my Synthroid this morning. So begins my journey back from hypothyroidism. (At first I typed hypoothyroidism. Some typos are awesome.)

There is good news, though. I still have my sense of taste! As of last night at about 8 pm, I’m off the low-iodine diet, and I could taste the 2 hard-boiled eggs and bagel with cream cheese I ate last night, and I’ve been able to taste everything I’ve eaten today, which has been:
• 3 scrambled eggs
• half a blueberry bagel with butter
• fruit punch juice box (yes, I’m 7 years old)
• cheddar cheese with Club crackers
• an It’s-It, the best ice cream confection in the universe
• half of a Subway “Italian” sandwich and four nacho cheese Doritos
• bowl of double fudge brownie ice cream

Now here’s a total nonsequitir and gross change of subject after listing foods I ate, but…

Brendan dissected a pig in honors bio on Monday, right around the time I was going into the Dosing Room at Hoag. Here’s our exchange about it via e-mail and text messages:

Me:
Brendan!
I'm so sorry I forgot to ask about your dissection on Monday. I was so caught up in my radioactive state that it slipped my mind. How was it? I crave details--where did you cut him open? What organs or tissues or muscles did you see? As you know, I'm fascinated by this stuff. Can't wait to hear the story.
:--)
Love,
Mom

Brendan:
I saw a lot!
Stomach, liver, spleen, lungs, heart, and even the thyroid!
We have a test on it tomorrow where he's gonna lay out a bunch of dissected pigs and ask us what each part of the pig is.
Should be exciting!

Me:
AWESOME. You probably didn't know this, but there's an alternative medication to the Synthroid I take to replace my thyroid. It's called Armour, and it's made of dessicated pigs' thyroid. I kid you not.
So cool you saw Thor's thyroid on Monday. What time of day was it? (can't remember which period you have bio)
Don't get in trouble for texting during class. Answer when you have more time and won't risk getting in trouble.
Love,
Mom

Thor And His Thyroid
A Poem by Lynn Pomije

Thor, O Thor
What a beautiful beast
Not quite a pile of bacon
And certainly not a feast

We worship your beauty
Your liver and spleen
Your stomach so bloated
Yet your legs so lean

Your lungs are so purdy
Your heart stout and brave
Your thyroid is dazzling
[I know, I'm depraved]

Thor, O Thor
With a snout pink and cute
How did you get here?
Or is the point now quite moot?

Whether suffocation or gunshot
Or a mouthful of apple
We thank you for the lesson
Now hand me the scalpel!

Brendan:
That was so funny. I'm actually in honors bio right now.
You must be really bored if u have the time to type up that whole poem

Me: Yeah, it's pretty boring being in isolation. I'm watching “House” right now--one I've probably seen 3 times already, but you gotta do what you gotta do, right? Enjoy bio!!!!! I'm off the low-iodine diet. YES! But I'm nauseous. BOO!

Brendan:
Booooo!! I'm going out to dinner. Hope your feeling better (please excuse the mis-spelling of you're)

Me: I love you, Brendan.