Trusting God

It’s been a while since I’ve written—mostly because Jack was out of school for summer, and we were keeping busy having a great time. I am so fortunate to be able to spend time with Jack when he is out of school; I wouldn’t trade this for the world, and I am so thankful that God has put me in a place where I don’t have to work.

On the thyroid cancer front, I had bloodwork a few weeks ago and then saw my endo the following week, and my numbers look good (suppressed Tg still detectible at 0.2 ng/mL, but better than the suppressed 0.8 I had before the second dose of RAI). The real test will be in late November/early December, when I go off my Synthroid and on the low-iodine diet yet again to get a stimulated Tg draw and another WBS to see if the treatment really worked to knock that Tg of 22 down. I’m hoping for the best and expecting the best, too.

As my thyroid cancer and treatment fades into the background of my day-to-day life and another, more challenging trial comes to the forefront, God is proving faithful once again.

As of August 9, Brendan isn’t coming to our house anymore because we won’t give his dad $5,000 to help buy a car for his 16th birthday. Apparently, his dad told him we’d agreed to buy him a car for his birthday, and when I said that wasn’t the case, things blew up and Brendan texted me and said, “Don’t expect to be seeing me anytime soon.” After a string of rather unpleasant e-mails from Brendan (in which he says I am hurtful and unsupportive and only care about Jack), he has let most of my e-mails go unanswered and doesn’t return my calls or text messages. I have not spoken to him since Friday, August 7, when I dropped him off at his dad’s house after we returned from our family vacation in San Diego.

It’s been difficult. While I know we are doing the right thing by not giving in to his spoiled teenager demands and his dad’s continuing psychological manipulation (working harder than ever at completing the alienation process, trying to tear Brendan from me for good), it has not been an easy few weeks. There have been doubts, tears, and sadness. But there has also been confirmation from God that He has His loving hands on the situation. And more importantly, He has given me comfort and hope.

On August 23, in the midst of all this, there was the most amazing thing written in the daily devotional book Diane gave me for my birthday called “Jesus Calling,” by Sarah Young.

Here’s what it said:

“Entrust your loved ones to Me; release them into My protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands. If you let a loved one become an idol in your heart, you endanger that one—as well as yourself. Remember the extreme measures I used with Abraham and Isaac. I took Isaac to the very point of death to free Abraham from son-worship. Both Abraham and Isaac suffered terribly because of the father’s undisciplined emotions. I detest idolatry, even in the form of parental love.

“When you release loved ones to Me, you are free to cling to My hand. As you entrust others into My care, I am free to shower blessings on them. My Presence will go with them wherever they go, and I will give them rest. This same Presence stays with you, as you relax and place your trust in Me. Watch to see what I will do.”

(based on Genesis 22:9-12; Ephesians 3:20; and Exodus 33:14)

This was clearly God’s voice meant for me. I can’t believe (why am I surprised?) how appropriate, accurate, comforting, and right on this is. I’m so glad I’m hearing God’s voice through this. So glad. What would I do without Him?

So I guess I am supposed to release Brendan to Him—into His loving hands. I am supposed to trust in God, trust in Him with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. I’m supposed to acknowledge Him in all my ways, and He will direct my paths. (Of course, I’m paraphrasing here, but Proverb 3:5-6 emerged as my “life verse” back in the days of the custody battle…not so long ago…2004…and it still is my life verse. I know with certainty that I’m never going to not need this verse.)