Words...And Voices

This morning on my way back from dropping Brendan off at Woodbridge High School, I was struck by the overwhelming urge to stop by my parents’ house and apologize again for what a terrible, mean, hostile, aggressive teenager I was…and for all the trauma and sorrow I put them through even when I was a young adult and should have known better.

I considered driving by, going on to our house in Tustin, but my eyes filled with tears for the first time in weeks (being off Synthroid has made me less emotional and less prone to crying…a good thing), and I put my blinker on to make a right on Poplar to enter my parents’ neighborhood.

My dad was out golfing, but my mom was there, opening the door to me in her usual kitty T-shirt and shorts, getting ready to take her dog Rocky for a walk. She let me in and we talked a while. I apologized again for all the crap I put her and my dad through, as a teenager and a twentysomething. She was sweet and hugged me and told me I was forgiven. I also told her I was sorry for being so harsh, so critical in the past (I don’t think I used the word “critical,” although I should have), and that God was working on me, and I was tired of being that way.

It felt good to apologize.

On my way home from my parents’ house, thinking about what to do today (on my short list was possibly running, writing, going grocery shopping, to Target and/or cleaning parts of the house), I said to God, “My day is yours. Direct me.” So here I am writing again. This is now page 20, although I’m sure that will change as I write more, revise, reorganize, etc. Page 20 out of I-don’t-know-how-many pages. I’m giving that to God, too.

Voice Concerns

As I’ve mentioned, I have always loved singing, and in the past few years, I’ve discovered the joy of singing in the choir at my church. Thyroidectomy and any neck surgery runs the risk of damaging one or both vocal chords, and I was lucky enough to have no damage from the surgery last year. Although my voice was weaker for several weeks after the surgery, I have been able to sing pretty normally (as “normally” as I could sing before the operation, anyway—hardy har har) since then.

Lately I have heard God’s voice telling me that if my voice is not the same after my upcoming surgery, it’s His will. He’s telling me that my voice can continue on paper—here—and that I can still proclaim His faithful service to me, that I can still tell anyone and everyone who will listen about how awesome MY GOD is. I might not always be able to do that through song, or with my voice, but if that is His will for me, I’ll still be able to communicate my personal experience of His glory on paper.

I love words. Sung, spoken, written--whatever. Words are so valuable.