The Kids and Believing in God

I am calmer still, and able to breathe through my nose still and pooping regularly still and feeling better physically than I have in a long, long time. My stomach feels flatter (I lost 2-3 pounds on the LID), and I have more energy. I’m falling asleep at night at about 8-9 pm, but I’m also waking up earlier bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. For instance, this morning I got up at 6:30 and feel totally alert and awake. I did go to bed last night at 9 pm, and I did wake up for an hour and a half around 3 am, but still, I’m feeling very good and super energetic during the day. Yesterday I did several loads of laundry, did the MS Walk, took Brendan to Wild Rivers interviews, made lunches and dinner, did some gardening and vacuumed the entire house, laminate floors included. It was my eighth day back on Synthroid after being off it for 29 days.

On the way home from church this morning with Brendan and Jack in the car, I told them that when I was young, I believed in God because I was raised to believe in God, that when I was older—a young adult—I believed in God because it was habit, but that now I believed in God because I know He’s real and He’s proving it to me everyday. I told them that God was showing me things about Himself and giving me evidence of His existence every day since my thyroid cancer diagnosis, and I even told them I was writing a book about how God is making Himself known to me through my cancer. (I joked it was only a pamphlet right now, and Brendan laughed.) Brendan asked, “Are you going to publish it?” and I said, “Oh, I don’t know. I’m just writing it so I’ll have something to look back on and remind me how awesome God was to me through this time, and I want to have something for you and Jack to read to tell you what God has done for me. I don’t want to forget this.”

Turns out Brendan is agnostic. In the same conversation in the car, Jack asked Brendan if he believed in God, and he said something along the lines of, “I don’t know if you can know whether or not there’s a God.” I’m not shocked. I think I would have said I was agnostic when I was a teenager, too. You’re way too skeptical to take things at face value when you’re a teenager. Plus, you think you know it all, and nobody can tell you anything. And I appreciated Brendan’s honesty, even though it’s not what I want for him. At least now I know where he stands—or at least where he says he stands. You know all that teenage bravado can mask true feelings. I have faith that God has been working on Brendan and will continue to work on Brendan forever. But now I know I need to begin praying earnestly for Brendan to come to know Jesus as I have.

Meeting Don

There’s this very old, stooped-over man who I’ve seen walking in the neighborhood over the seven years we’ve lived here. I saw him again today when I was out walking the dogs, and for the first time in all the years I’ve been noticing him, I called out to him from across the street and asked him his name. We wound up having a lovely conversation for 10 minutes or so, and he is the sweetest little old man ever. He’s 82 years old, married, wife had a minor stroke (but is still “ornery as ever…a strong German woman”). His name is Don, he lives at Holt and Vanderlip in the house with an American flag out front, and I enjoyed talking to him so much. He was a real sweetie pie. God is urging me to reach outside myself and talk to people more—to be friendlier and to talk to people about their lives. I think it’s His way of getting me outside my head, which has been a force that has dragged me down in the past—being in my head too much, in my own (sometimes very negative cycle of) thoughts… It sure makes your day different when you hear from someone who’s 82 years old that life is still good. What a great perspective.

I feel so much happier now than I ever have before. The kids, Pommy and I did the MS Walk this morning with Carolyn, Tracy, Laci and my mom. It was a beautiful day today.

Getting a Second Opinion on Pathology

God has directed me to get a second opinion on the original pathology from my original thyroidectomy surgery. The original pathology said I have papillary carcinoma, the most common kind of thyroid cancer, and the path report doesn’t mention any variant of papillary or any aggressive features. But I’ve always wondered, so I’m pursuing getting a second opinion.

Since I had my surgery, the facility where I had the operation, Irvine Regional Hospital, has closed, and I’ve heard the building is being taken over by Hoag. All medical records from Irvine Regional Hospital (including my itty bitty thyroid cancer cells on slides) were shipped to a warehouse somewhere. I just found out that the original slides from my original surgery are missing, but thankfully, new slides can be made up using the “blocks”—paraffin wax-sealed tissue samples obtained during my thyroidectomy. The gal at Fountain Valley Regional Hospital, who is the contact person for people wanting to obtain pathology slides from Irvine Regional Hospital, says my new slides are scheduled to arrive today, Friday, April 24, 2009. I plan to drive there and pick them up.

It’ll be weird to have slides with my thyroid cancer in them riding in the car with me.

I’ve learned so much about medicine during this process. I’ve learned so much about how to get what you need from the people who can help you. I’ve learned how to tone down my approach (I used to always be so harsh!), and I’m getting much better results from people who can help me get what I need. It’s so good to be getting better at life. Thank you, Jesus!

Why am I writing all this down for you?

“And many other signs truly did Jesus in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book: But these are written, that you might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing you might have life through His name.”
--John 20:30-31, American King James version